So I suppose I should start off this section with where this all began a few years ago.  My LinkedIn post about social imposter syndrome.  Now, I don't know if this is the real name for it, It sounds good which is why I've kept it.  There's some fancy name for it I'm sure, but I don't know what it is!  This post isn't a word for word recreation of that original post, I've thought more about it (well, a lot!) since I originally posted it and this should hopefully be a more coherent rambling.

Like the work/career version of Imposter Syndrome, its very much centred around feeling like you shouldn’t be in a place, group, or a social situation because you don’t feel like you fit in or don’t belong there.  I’ve had that kind of feeling pretty much as long as I can remember and always felt like I’m on the fringes of things in regard to when I’m with groups of people or in social situations either in work or in my personal life.

I’ve not really ever felt like I fitted into a specific group or culture/sub-culture.  I’ve been a metaller for most of my life but never really fitted into metal scene and people as I was a bit too “un-metal” as I didn’t go the whole hog and washed regularly!  Same thing with skating and the skater scene, school and pretty much all the places I’ve ever worked, until recently (but we’ll get to that, have patience!).  Even my circles of friends since I was young, I’ve always felt kind of out of place.  That’s not to say I didn’t have great friends as a kid, just like I do now, I just always felt like I wasn’t fully accepted or part of the whole group.

At school I was never part of the cool set, I wasn’t into all the other stuff that “cool” kids are into and I’ve never been a “lads lad” (Pride and Prejudice is and will always be one of my favourite books and I love Shakespeare!) and have never been into that kind of life.  I’ve definitely always been drawn to more cerebral friends.

Fast forward to work life and the same thing happened where I never really fitted into the social situations out of work or the groups that formed within the different departments.  At work nights out I’d always be quiet at the start and wonder if I should be there and if anyone would notice if I just snuck out the side door and left.  Despite what some people who know me may think, I am actually a very shy social person and can be very quiet when out with groups of people unless I really know them.  I’m sure like others who get this, its seen as being moody or sullen, but its really not, its just assessing if you should be there and how to actually start talking to people.

Now, there are some people who I have worked with in the past and currently work with who do get me and have been incredibly accepting and welcoming from the start.  I wont mention everyone but definitely have to mention Jow, who was my first boss in my first proper IT job.  He was a very warm and welcoming person from the very start and made it very easy for me to fit in at Snapguard which was quite a big transition for me and I was extremely nervous.  My four years there were amazing and we all felt like a family and I’m very happy to count him among my friends 16 years later.

Up until recently I’ve had and still have the feeling of being on the outside and always questioning my belonging in a group but since I started at ANS the team I work with have been amazing at helping me fit in from the start and there a few specific people I work with who always make me feel welcome and valued and an important part of the team even when we’re on nights out and I go quiet and wonder if I should just sneak out and if I’d be missed.  Being part of the team with Nathan, Maria and, in an on-off way (because he left then came back!) Elliott.  Being part of the group with these 3 definitely made me feel welcomed and part of it.  the team and the things we achieved as part of the team with Nathan and MAria made me feel properly weclomed and not just someone who they had to work with.  I wont go into those 2 too much as I've done it everywhere but they are both people who are very special to me and I've told them enough times.  Being part of that team was definitely one of the best work experiences I've ever had and being part of the group outisde of work with those 3 and talking utter crap and having an unhinged support group is amazing!

And more recently, I've been working a lot with Brad who is one of the most friendly and supportive people I've met in a long time..  I've had a lot of great conversations with Brad over the last few months and with Nathan, Maria and Elliott., he's an inspriational and genuine guy who helps you get the best out of life.

Do I still feel like an outsider?  Yes, of course I do, but now sometimes I can realise its mostly in my head and I can stop myself (sometimes!) being my own worse enemy.  Do I still overthink things?  ALL THE GODDAMM TIME! but its gettiing better and I can actually take compliments without thinking theres a hidden agenda or its just bollocks!

Now, there are mates who I've had for a looong time I havent mentioned in this.  Thats not to say they dont mean anything to me, its just with them I've always felt part of it and never had to try and justify my part of that group.  Some of them I've had for over 40 years, some I've had literally all my lfe and some for over 20 years.  With them, I've alwasys felt like I'm part of it and never felt outside of it.  They're the kind of anchor that helps keep me grounded and know I'm not a complete outsider!

So, my advice would be this:

• Don’t overthink things.  If someone say their glad you came or they're glad your back from holiday because you were missed, take it at face value, don’t start overthinking it and take it as a compliment and that your wanted.  I know its easier said than done but there isn’t a hidden agenda to everything!
• Don’t run through all the negative scenarios in your head.  I like to think of myself as a very positive person, but I can find myself running through every bad outcome of a certain social or work situation before its already happened, and so far, its never been anywhere near as bad as the scenarios in my head.  It’s a bad habit to get into and if its left unchecked it can really get you down.
• Don’t feel like you need to belong and try too hard to fit in.  When you’re with right people, it just comes naturally, and you won’t need to change anything.  If you find yourself having to change aspects of your personality or disguise what you like doing or don’t mention it, then maybe those people aren’t the right people.
• Don’t undervalue the people who genuinely want to help you belong and be a part of the group.  Just like the people I mentioned above who I work with at ANS, these are the people that should be cherished and not pushed away, these kinds of people can be a lifeline to some.

Right that’s it, apologies for war and peace but its been in my head and I actually feel a bit better for getting it out of there!

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts!